I got to hand it to the Germans, they really do know how to build solid cars

After spending RM557 (including labour thankfully) on a single hose, I wasn’t the happiest boy in the land so I decided to cheer myself up with some retail therapy.

Fun fact: IKEA Tebrau is the biggest IKEA in South East Asia. And now you know. Photo: IKEA.

This being not a journal into my mundane boring university student life, I shall not bore you with the tale of trying to fit an Ikea table that was on sale into the boot of the Polo, discovering the boot space is pitiful and then fitting it across the rear seats instead (strapped down with the seatbelts of course), but I would however indulge you in the tale of the drive home.

Some times a boot that is bigger than a thimble comes in handy. Apologies also for the potato quality photo, it was taken after the events that unfolded below.

And that’s because that’s when I knew I made the right choice in buying that tiny little German hatchback.

The sun had already gone down after I have completed my retail therapy session at the Swedish furniture retailer. The drive back was supposed to be an uneventful half-hour drive back to the sticks where I live.

Having a nice cruise on the right most lane on the highway since my exit is the last one and that isn’t for another 20 or so kilometres. The Waze was showing me where to go, calming relaxing music was being piped through the six(!) speakers (tough luck 1.6 MPI Polo owners) taking my mind off spending RM500 on a hose (maybe there is something to owning the less troublesome 1.6) and RM50 on a table (IKEA is a broke student’s best friend). The serene night was spoilt somewhat though by a white Proton Saga being an inch away from my rear bumper though. Not flashing or anything, just being annoyingly and dangerously close to my Polo’s rear end.

Considering I was going the same speed as all the other cars ahead of me I couldn’t see the point of him tailgating me trying to pressure me aside, but I digress.

Being a sensible (broke) person who was not in the mood to engage in any conflict with this tailgating bastard, I sped up a tad bit to try to find an opening in the middle lane so I can retreat there and continue my journey in peace, but I’m sure dear reader you can guess where this story is going to end.

Before I can even find an opening, the traffic in front came to a sudden halt so I slammed on the brakes. Luckily for me, I left a sensible distance to the car in front and ABS kinda saved my bacon, so the nose of my car is still pristine. The rear however is a different story.

As expected, the bell-end in the tailgating Proton couldn’t, and didn’t brake in time and the front of the ding-dong’s Proton kissed the rear end of the little Polo.

Happily for me though, I managed to somehow anticipate the crash, as in the back of my mind when I was braking for the car in front I knew already the tailgating knob behind will not brake in time. Thus when I felt the impact I managed to lift off the brake pedal and let the car roll in front a little bit just to ease the shock, both bodily and monetarily down the road.

However this didn’t lessen the impact much, it still felt as though you have been run over by a bull elephant. It was comforting though at that exact moment of impact my thoughts were: Thank me for choosing the car with 4 airbags. This being a comparatively minor shunt, as expected none of the airbags went off, but since it was a shunt that means I now have to deal with the after-effects of being in an accident.

An Idiot’s Guide On What To Do After Being Involved In a MINOR Accident.

Editor’s Note: If it’s a MAJOR accident where there are unconscious people and the car resembles a crumpled up piece of paper, skip all of the steps below and focus on a) tending to the unconscious and maybe pulling them out of the wreck that used to be the car and b) call the relevant authorities. Also note that the guide below is exactly what it is — a guide, so please still use your common sense. This guide is just handy if you forget something in the heat of the moment, like forgetting to check this guide for example.

1. Pull over into a less hectic spot to discuss matters.

Pull over into a spot where you can settle this dispute without being both a nuisance and a hazard to other road users, but make sure you have notified the other party involved in the accident about where to go and that the other party has consented to moving as well.

2. Notify someone that you have been in an accident.

Tell someone that you can rely on (friend, family, lawyer etc.) regarding the fact have been in an accident. Tell them briefly what has happened, where it had occurred and whether or not you need/want them to come to help handle the situation.
An especially useful tip if you are young or female, but applies to everyone especially when the other party involved in the accident decides to be utter pricks and cause more unnecessary hassle.

3. Take lots of pictures.

Take lots and lots of photographs of both cars, focusing on the areas which has been hit.
This is useful as evidence if you need to make a police report or alternately you can also send the pic to your preferred body shop to procure a quotation on the spot. Also useful when you decide to vent your frustrations on social media.

4. Note down the other party’s personal details.

Take down the other party’s details and if you want to be extra safe, have photographic evidence of their identification card and driving license. Also it is worth asking if the car that was driven by the other party is insured under his or her name, or whether it is not their car.

5. Decide if you want to involve the police.

It is only after you have all the details that you discuss with the other party whether to involve the police in this. It is only with a police report that either party can file an insurance claim for the damage, however if you do submit an insurance claim you will lose your no claim bonus (NCB).
If either party settles wants to settle the matter without involving the police, make sure that either party is agreeable on the terms negotiated and be sure to dial the other party’s phone there and then to check if it is indeed a real number.

Guide over, now back to the reason why I call this little Polo a tank.

That is because after getting shunted in the rear by the tailgating cock. We decided to inspect the damage at a petrol station within sight. Let me tell you dear reader the drive between the site of the shunt and to that petrol station might have been the longest drive of my life, which is saying something since I just did a 40 minute drive on 3 cylinders not two weeks ago. Having seen the damage on the numpty’s Saga, my head was filling with thoughts of having a totally bent rear bumper and the time the car will need to be in the bodyshop, in a completely foreign land to me, and how I’ll be without transport in that time. I was already expecting the worse when I eventually pulled into the petrol station and got out and inspected the damage.

But to my surprise, there was no damage that I can see.

The bumper was still straight. The lights weren’t shattered. Even the reversing sensors still functioned normally. Sure it was a tad dustier than before and there is some light scratches on it but compared to the Saga, this was nothing. The Saga had a cracked headlight, a creased bonnet, a bent fender and an out of shape bumper.

Polo FTW!

Recall the Volvo = tank meme where a normal car is in an accident with a Volvo and the normal car is completely totalled while the Volvo is fine, the Polo is the same in this accident. My little Polo is a bloody tank. Well, built like one anyway, and it does cost roughly the same to maintain as an actual tank, but I’m getting ahead of myself.

The takeaway message here is that due to the solidity of the Polo thanks to good old German engineering and build quality, when I was having the shunt, I never even had the slightest inclination to think that I would be in any mortal danger. My mind immediately thought of the cost and inconvenience because I knew the Polo could protect me if the worst were to happen. And I think that is why I went for the Polo in the first place, sure it does cost me an arm and a leg (and possibly some of my internal organs too if it continues to bleed me dry like this) but the feeling of safety and solidity, knowing you’ll be alright if the worst were to happen on the road, is worth the premium in my book.

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An Ikea table for RM50, not too bad.
An Idiot’s Guide On What To Do After Being Involved In a MINOR Accident.
Polo = tank. Move aside Volvo.